10 Reasons to Never Visit Northumberland

 Northumberland is a terrible place to visit and you definitely should not come here. There is nothing to see or do and I would hate for you to waste a journey here. 

10 Reasons to Never Visit Northumberland

1 - Our beaches are the worst 

We definitely do not have miles and miles of unspoiled coastline with a choice of sandy beaches, harbours and rock pools. You won't find fresh lobster for sale from a fish shack on Beadnell beach or beer gardens overlooking the coastline in Low Newton or Craster. Nope not here. 

2 - There are no nice restaurants

The choice of restaurants in Northumberland is terrible. Do not expect quirky dining spaces in treehouses or old train carriages, there is no fresh seafood available and definitely do not expect quality seafood restaurants using local produce like The Potted Lobster in Bamburgh, The Boat House in Amble or The Seafood Restaurant in Craster. There are no award-winning fine dining restaurants such as Hyem in Hexham here and there is definitely nowhere to buy delicious fish and chips by the seaside. 

3 - Country pubs are non-existent 

There is a distinct lack of country pubs in Northumberland. Do not expect a cracking home-cooked Sunday Roast from The Sun Inn, to snuggle by the fire with a bowl of homemade soup in The Jolly Fisherman, for the kids to play in the sunshine in the outdoor play area at The Hogs Head or to enjoy the best food and hospitality at The Craster Arms. Not in Northumberland. 

4 - There is very little history here

There is next to no history in Northumberland. Do not come here and expect Roman Forts, an abundance of Castles, Hadrian's Wall,  Historic Priories, museums dedicated to Roman History, Mining and Grace Darling. You won't find that here. 

5 - The scenery is terrible

Northumberland is such an eyesore. There is literally no countryside, we are not home to some of the darkest skies in Europe and the coastline is nothing remarkable. If it is beauty you are after, Northumberland will definitely not deliver. 

6 - It is too busy 

Northumberland is packed with people and one of the most densely populated places in the UK. It is tough to find any space here and we are over-run with tourists. 

7 - There is nothing here for Harry Potter fans 

If you are a Harry Potter fan, you definitely have no reason to visit Northumberland. We are not home to the original Hogwarts, you cannot take Harry Potter tours and you definitely cannot take a broomstick flying lesson. 

8 - Expect zero wildlife 

There is next to no wildlife here in Northumberland. Do not expect vast forests filled with wildlife, there are no puffins, seals or dolphins off our coast, we are not home to nesting ospreys and there are definitely no red squirrels in the wild here. 

9 -  Our National Trust & English Heritage properties are not worth visiting 

If you enjoy visiting Historical Houses and Gardens, Northumberland is not for you. There is barely no choice with Cragside and its sprawling estate, history, gardens, play park, estate drive and labyrinth. Wallington is just as bad with no less than three adventure playgrounds, bikes to hire and woodland walks.

You definitely will not enjoy the Jurassic Gardens and Knight Tournaments at Belsay Castle or the Historical Storytelling at Warkworth Castle and Lindisfarne Castle on Holy Island is not unique at all. 

10 - The is nothing to do here 

Northumberland is definitely not home to an award-winning observatory, lots of activities including archery, rock climbing and clay pigeon shooting, there are no farm parks here or boat trips to enjoy, do not expect any award-winning gardens or mini train rides.

You definitely cannot join a surf school in Northumberland or go on a bat safari. We are not home to some fantastic outdoor play areas with splash pads or outdoor paddling pools. You cannot row boats at Morpeth, bottle feed lambs at Whitehouse Farm or paint pottery in Berwick. No not here. 

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Do you agree? Do you think Northumberland is a brilliant place to visit or should we keep how amazing it is our secret? 



  1. Absolutely love this. And it's all completely and utterly true! ;)

  2. like what you did here, Sam! I HAD to click after seeing that headline. Works! x

  3. Poor you having to live in such an awful place! Especially with those long golden beaches all to yourself - it's no wonder you don't want to share it!!

  4. I'm convinced - definitely don't want to come for that 😆😆😆

  5. And there we were thinking of going to Northumberland for a holiday in September! Time for a rethink 😉😉😉


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